Today, October 15th, would have been the celebration of my 22nd wedding anniversary if Jimmy (my first husband) was still alive. Fifteen years have passed since he transitioned, and yes, I have moved on with my life. However, one of the many things that my experience with him taught me is that true love never dies...not even when the true lover does. I never would have thought that I'd still miss him after all these years, but I do, and that's not something that I even try to mask or hide. It's not a fact that I'm ashamed of, nor is it one that I wish to change. The pain of his absence is not a pleasant feeling. Sometimes, especially on significant days like today, it still brings tears to my eyes, but despite that, I actually enjoy missing him. That's right...I enjoy it. I feel favored to have the memories. It brings me joy to know that his presence in my life was so positive and impactful that his not being here (physically) is still noticable. I pray that whenever the Lord decides to call me home, I would have lived in a manner to have left that kind of impression on someone's life. It would be great to leave behind tangible goods such as property, money, and other valuables, but all those things, in the grand scheme of things, are fleeting. To leave behind memories - good and godly memories - that last a lifetime... What a legacy!
Regardless of what "they" say, time does not heal all wounds. The saying sounds good to the ears, but it's not true. I know that for a fact. No doubt, it heals some wounds, but not ALL. For other wounds, all time is capable of doing is placing a scab on the surface of them so that the pain lessens,
or so the wounds don't become contaminated and fester into something worse. Often times the pain may be so meager that it's barely noticeable. But it's still there.
or so the wounds don't become contaminated and fester into something worse. Often times the pain may be so meager that it's barely noticeable. But it's still there.I think that the most wonderful thing that can be done through pain, is to bless others. When a personal tragedy or mishap can be used by God as a positive tool that blesses someone else, that's awesome. Since the official release of my first nonfiction book, I Shall Not Die on October 1st, I have read email after email from readers whose lives were changed by the message of LIFE that it brings. I am so humbled to have been chosen to write and deliver the words that are ministering to people on such a level. In the past two weeks, I have read notes of marriages being healed, mindsets being changed, and outlooks that were made brighter by way of I Shall Not Die. It's what God promised to do through this book, and it is a promise that He is delivering.
The feedback and reviews that are coming in by way of the ministry website guest book and by way of Amazon.com has made me grateful that time didn't completely heal my wound. Had it done so, I may never have obeyed God's order to pen this book. And had I never written it, my lingering wound would not have had the opportunity to heal the wounds of others. For that reason alone, I gladly carry my scar, and I thank God daily that He has allowed it to be a blessing to others.
WOW Kendra! I couldn't stop the flow of my own tears reading this. I empathize with you for more reasons than one. I too, can understand what you've gone through as I've lost someone dear to me in my lifetime. I happen to agree with you also to the fact that time doesn't heal all wounds. How can it when the conscious mind is but a storage facility where memories can be readily pulled up for reflection. Reminiscing can be whatever you feel it need to be to get you through the angst and feelings that elicited the good times. As I read this, the one thing I marveled at is the fact that you've extrapolated your life and this is not coincidence. Kendra, the Lord not only gave you Divide direction to proceed and be prominent doing it. Moreover, He sent you another who truly loves you, understand your past and is with you every step you take. Any other man would be intimidated and perhaps wouldn't tolerate you putting so much emphasis on a past paramour.
ReplyDeleteBut this is truly when you know that God's hand is fully extended an in it to the hilt. I remember when you first started out and know first hand how far you've come. And we both know that things happen for a reason. The Lord we know too, will not put you through anything that wouldn't be a blessing if you weren't exemplary of His anointing grace. Then too, you're able to turn this whole thing into a ministry says a lot about destiny. You're further blessed to have so many people cheering you on at every turn…the many accolades that are thrown your way are just testimonies that the talent and gifts you have are not your own. I know you have no problem in giving God all the praise.
So as you proceed, know that there are, and will always be others that will look at you and want to emulate whatever resolve it took for you to continue the task of administering to innate feelings of worthiness to glorify all that is good. This, in itself is what God loves most -- when we can show others The Way through the gifts and talents He bestowed. Your immediate, extended and surrogate families are cheering you on and praying that I SHALL NOT DIE literaly will not die for the sake of any healing balm that time cannot heal! I love you, Kendra. Take care and be blessed.
Kendra, This project was God ordained. Continue to be totally committed to the things of God. You have not seen anything yet. You are on a journey that was designed by God. This Journey is taking you in avenues you have never imagined, but it's all good. To God be the glory. You are going through a purging period and many things will change, but it's God's doing not yours. Enjoy this ride.
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