Sunday, October 18, 2009

The "I Shall Not Die" Experience

Bizarre is a good word to describe this birthing process. From the moment I began writing I Shall Not Die, I have experienced a physical fatigue unlike any other. I mentioned it in my initial blog every time I sit at my computer to embark on the mission of adding to the manuscript, I become so sleepy that I can barely keep my eyes open. It's not the kind of drowsiness that can be fought (at least not fought and won). When the feeling comes upon me, it literally overwhelms me, and I have no choice but to stop typing and climb into my bed. My plan is always to catch a short nap, and then continue, but whenever I fall asleep, I enter a stage of near-comatose. Most times I sleep for four hours or more, and when I awaken, I'm still groggy. Those hours of sound sleep seem to only provide me with enough energy to drag back to my computer to type for maybe another hour or so, but then I'll have to shut it down and go back to bed again.
What is really going on? Until now, I'd given all the credit to the enemy (aka the devil) and I've accused him of trying to prevent me from getting this project done by making me sleep away the time that I could have been spending on writing this book that God has commanded that I write. But just yesterday, a total stranger spoke into my spirit, and now I must take a step back and consider that perhaps this is not the work of the enemy after all.
Yesterday (Saturday, October 17th), I had a consultation with a client by the name of Sonya, who is a new writer and was looking for direction on everything from whether a publicist was necessary for where she wanted to take her career to how to gain exposure for her product so that it could land in the hands of those who would most benefit from the message that she is trying to share. What I thought was going to perhaps be a 2-hour session turned into a five-hour fellowship. By the time we parted ways, Sonya had thanked me several times for the wealth of information that I'd shared, but I felt as though she had imparted some wisdom to me as well. Spiritual wisdom. So much so, that I only charged her for three of the hours that we spent together.
During our meeting, which was held at the Borders Bookstore in the Mall at Stonecrest (aka Stonecrest Mall) in Lithonia, GA, she posed a question to me that sparked the discussion of I Shall Not Die. Sonya's questions was: "Have you ever run from a ministry that God was trying to give you?" What a timely question! I initially laughed when she asked and then I explained to her why I was laughing. I told her the story of God's call for me to launch the "I Shall Not Die" Motivational Ministry as well as the written project and how I'd run from it for fourteen years. In the midst of my telling her about the book that I'd begun writing, I shared this bizarre experience of becoming overcome by sleep in the middle of my writing sessions and my thoughts of how it was all a ploy of Satan to hinder the birthing of this work. In all of the books that I've written in the past, it has never happened, so what else could it be?
Sonya turned to me and asked me to consider something else. She asked that I consider the possibility that my sleepiness was due to the fact that the writing of this particular project was causing me to extract a part of myself onto the paper as I typed. Writing this book - a folio that requires that I open up myself and pour out a large portion of who I am - could actually be draining me physically. It's comparable to giving blood. When a person donates blood, it is not recommended that they get up right away once the process is complete. If they do, there is the risk of fainting because a part of them that gives life has been taken away and needs time to replenish. WOW! I'd never thought of it that way. But true enough, writing I Shall Not Die is requiring that kind of commitment from me, so it is a very real possibility that this peculiar and extraordinary lethargy is a result of the total depletion that my body is going through at each writing session.
I'm not sure what the real reason is, but all that I know for sure is that I have to press forward despite whatever is causing it. Because of it, I can only write for a limited amount of time daily, so this won't be a book that will be completed in sprint-like fashion. It's definitely going to be a journey. Therefore, I have decided to roll with it. I'm wearing my comfortable clothes and packing my favorite CDs in preparation for the roadtrip ahead. No matter how bumpy, winding, or mountainous; I plan to enjoy the ride.

1 comment:

  1. It's amazing how we strategize and are able to come to conclusions the right way AFTER God has gotten our attention. And now that we realize that the straight and narrow is not necessarily with straits, we can go about doing the King's business and be anointed along the way. The ride in parts may be bumpy but the law of averages on THIS journey not only will smoothen, but it will be directional -- straight ahead, turning right and looking up! Go Kendra, and know that I will be a surrogate on this trip supporting you from point to point!