My First Nonfiction/Ministerial Book Is Complete

It was a challenge to write, but that came as no surprise. I knew it would be, but with the Lord's help, it's finally finished! And believe me when I say that without Him it never would have gotten done. Truly all things are possible when you believe in God. To God be the glory for the things He has done! My first nonfiction/ministerial tool is complete, and what a joy (and a relief) it is to celebrate this accomplishment. The writing of I Shall Not Die serves as the final piece of a very big puzzle in my life. I won't go into that fullness of that in this blog post. . .you'll have to read the book (smile).

My most sincere prayer is that when this book is officially released in October, it will be a powerful source of encouragement to those who read it. I want this book, more than any book I've ever written, to get into the hands of those who need its message most and be a life-changing experience to the readers.

Throughout my career as a writer, I've been asked many times during television, radio, magazine, and blog interviews which of my books is my personal favorite. My answer has always been that there is no answer for that. I just didn't see how I could love one more than the others. "That's like asking a mother which of her children are her favorite," I'd often reply. But I have an answer to that question now. By far, I Shall Not Die is my favorite among my titles. It's not necessarily better written than any of my other books, but because of the content, and because it's a personal testimony, it is dearer to my heart.

For any who saw the original cover (see photo below right) that was designed for this book, you will notice that it has been upgraded just a bit (see photo top left). I polled a few family members and asked them which cover they liked better and the revised design won by an overwhelming majority. A special thanks to Alex Johnson, III of AJ3 Photography for the picture of me that is on the new cover and for the cover design itself. Additionally, I'd like to send a special thanks to Lisa Zachery of Papered Wonders for designing the new logo for the I Shall Not Die motivational ministry. And for everyone who has gone through the website to pre-order your copy, thereby making you a VIsion Partner (VIP) with this ministry, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. As I head down the home stretch toward the finished line of getting this book in print, I thank God for you because I know that your support has made the process a little easier for me.

Stay tuned. . .

"I Shall Not Die" - Almost Done

To God be the glory. I'm about two weeks away from being finished with my first nonfiction/ministerial project. It's been a five-month journey, and what a journey it has been. The writing of I Shall Not Die has taken me on an emotional rollercoaster at times. Not a bad ride, but a rollercoaster still.

Revisiting this time in my life has sometimes brought laughter, and other times it has brought tears, but the tears have not left me sad or depressed in any way. I guess when it comes right down to it, it doesn't matter how many years pass after you have to bury someone you adore...the reminiscing will always spring forth some type of emotion. Regardless of what others may think, I'm still convinced that while a true lover may die, the true love never does. It's amazing how God can heal our hearts and allow us to move on and even love again without forcing us to stop loving the love we lost.

In this writing of I Shall Not Die, I have reached a point in the manuscript where I want to include a pictorial account of my first husband, whose amazing, determined spirit is the inspiration behind this motivational tool. In order to complete this section of the book, I had to go into my garage and unearth a box that had been taped up and placed there twelve years ago. Inside the box were eight photo albums filled with captured memories of my former life. Turning the pages in these albums and reviewing pictures that reflected so many happenings from the time I became a blushing bride all the way to the time I became a weeping widow...it was all so surreal. At times, it became overwhelming.

DAY 1 was Friday, March 12th, and it was the hardest. After opening a second retrieved box I pulled from the garage that is marked "Jimmy and Kendra's Wedding Memories" and seeing the wedding memory book, then pulling out the carefully wrapped glasses that we drank from (still clearly engraved with our names and the words "bride" and "groom") and the engraved stainless steel knives that were used to cut the wedding cake and the actual still-corked full bottle of Espirit De Vie Sparkling Non-alcoholic White Grape Juice that awaited us in our honeymoon suite...it was impossible not to have a "moment." I needed a shoulder and resolved to call one of my best friends who I knew would allow me to use hers (it's a blessing to have friends like that).

DAY 2 was Saturday, March 13th. It was still tough to try and go through the items I found, but God made it easier than the day before. I went back down to the garage to see what other things I'd stored there that would be useful in the completion of the book. A case of video tapes that I hadn't seen in twelve years was pulled from under the garbage bag filled with clothes that my daughters haven't been able to wear in forever. In that case, there are about twenty-five VHS tapes, most of which have footage of Jimmy preaching or singing at different church programs. I felt like I'd dug up a treasure chest, but I didn't feel ready to watch any of them. So I took them to my youngest daughter, and she spent much of the afternoon watching the memories play out in front of our eyes. She couldn't recall most of the happenings, but she seemed engrossed in the visual. She was just shy of three when her father passed and now she's seventeen. In her watching, I hoped she was forming a deeper bond with and appreciation for the man she never really got to know.

DAY 3 was Wednesday, March 17th. I didn't look through any of it on Sunday, I had an 8-hour photo shoot on Monday, and I just chose to focus on other things on Tuesday, so on those three days, the items went untouched. On Wednesday, as I migrated back to the boxes of memories, I found that God had given me the courage and strength that I needed to do a thorough search for the pictures that I would use in the "Captured Memories" section of I Shall Not Die. I attached a couple, as teasers, to this blog posting - you'll have to buy the book to see the others :-). There were no tears, but endless smiles as I explored page after page of photos. I even watched a video and saw Jimmy render a soul-stirring rendition of "Eyes on the Sparrow" at a scholarship memorial event. It's the first live recording of him that I've seen of him in years.

Just as He promised He would, God has really been with me throughout this project. I'm headed down the home-stretch now, and I can clearly see the light at the end of the tunnel. I Shall Not Die is going to be a book that blesses many, and whatever hurdles that I had (or have) to clear along the way in order for it to get complete will be well worth it.

A Testimony of LIFE for My Mom

The number of obstacles and strongholds that I have faced in just the short span of time that I have been writing I Shall Not Die is utterly amazing. It seems as if the enemy tries one thing to stop the process, and if that doesn't work, he finds a larger stumbling block and places that in my path to see if perhaps, it will do the trick. Everything from physical battles to personal challenges, to financial struggles have been tossed in my direction since I began the journey to complete this divine assignment. Most of the bumps that have been carved in the road, I've been able to navigate around without too much difficulty, but this latest stunt, I admit, was successful in creating a substantial pause in the flow of my determination.

It's one thing to fight the eerie fatigue and lethargy that I've battled from day one of my efforts to bring this vision to past. The strange depletion of my body's energy has been aggravating and annoying, yes. But I can and have dealt with it in a relatively proactive manner, and though it has slowed the process of completing the book, it has never completely stopped it. But on Monday, February 1st, the brakes were tapped on the production of this assignment when I received the news that my mother had been placed in the hospital with heavy rectal bleeding. And the entire process was brought to a screeching halt when I got word that she had been moved from her regular room to the intensive care unit when the bleeding continued. Then shortly before I was able to get to the hospital to see her, I was informed that she'd been rushed from one medical facility to another because her pulse rate had dropped tremendously and her skin was cold and clammy and they feared that she might have to have some type emergency surgery to save her life.

I broke every speed limit law known to man as I took to the highway to see her. Once there, I was only able to spend one day with her before having to return home to prepare to travel for literary appointments that had been on my calendar for months prior. I was prepared to cancel if I had to, but my mother said not to. Thank God that by the time I got there, although she was hungry because they weren't able to feed her due to the series of tests she needed, and she was a bit tired from whatever test that had just been performed shortly before I arrived, she was stable and was in good spirits. But the fact remained that she was still in the hospital and was receiving her sixth unit of blood to replace what her body was continuing to lose.

Yesterday marked a week since the mayhem began, and from then until now, I have been unable to get my mind in the place to write again. It's not writer's block...I've been so consumed with concern for Mom, that I've just not been able to focus like I need to. I had been able to write despite my own drama, but not despite my mother's. There is truly nothing like the love a mother has for her child and nothing like the love that a child has for her mother. For the first time in my life, I looked at my mom lying in a hospital bed, with needles in the backs of her hands that were feeding her fluids to keep her from dehydrating and blood to keep her from dying, and thought to myself: What if I lose her? I'm writing a book called, I Shall Not Die, but I was terrified of losing my mother.

The older I become, the more I appreciate the fact that I come from a praying, Bible-believing, faith-walking family. After spending all the time in the ICU room with my mother that the hospital would allow, my dad, my two sisters, and I were told that we had to leave. But before we disbursed, my dad, who has been a preacher for about 45 years now, held my mom's hand and prayed as three of their five offspring stood around the bed and joined in. He prayed for the bleeding to stop and for his wife to be moved from ICU and eventually allowed to go home. And as he prayed in low tones, in my mind I spoke on my mother's behalf, repeating the words, "I Shall Not Die." I kissed my mom's forehead and told her how much I loved her before I left the room. I watched my two sisters do the same, and then I saw my dad bring up the rear with a kiss to her lips. When I got back on the highway to head back to Atlanta, I felt much calmer than I did when I was en route there. God had given me a level of peace that I didn't have prior.

Even as I make this blog entry, my mother is still in the hospital, but God is at work. The same doctors that were scratching their heads as they ran a boatload of tests on Mama to try to find the source of the bleeding are still scratching their heads now. They were never able to understand why she was bleeding, and now they can't understand why she's not. She has not lost any more blood since my father prayed over her on last Thursday. She has been moved from ICU to a regular room. She is scheduled to be released in the next day or so. And at this very moment, I think I just reclaimed my motivation to write the next phase of I Shall Not Die. Wow...even at three o'clock in the morning, God is good!

I am so grateful for everyone who have been praying for my mother's healing. I sent emails to just about every prayer warrior that I could think of. Mom's not totally out of the woods yet, and we realize that. As long as the source of the bleeding has not been detected and therefore not treated, the doctors have reported to us that the bleeding can resume at any time. But the Word (Isaiah 53:5) says with His stripes we are healed. And God's report is the one that we choose to believe.

"I Shall Not Die" is at the halfway point....

In the month of December, I had two major editing projects to cross my desk with tight deadlines that forced me to set the writing of I Shall Not Die aside momentarily. It was difficult to put it on pause, but basically, I didn't have a choice. I'd been retained by two clients and was obligated to get their manuscript editing complete. I finished the last of them two days ago, and now it's back to the grind. I'm on a mission, and it feels good to know that progress is being made, and I'm halfway to the finished line.
My past blogging has outlined the challenges of getting my first nonfiction/ministerial book written. I try to adequately express the uniqueness of this undertaking in my blog entries, but believe me when I tell you that you don't know the half of it. I've been writing on and editing other people's projects all month long, and not once during those processes did the uncanny fatigue overtake me. Even as I worked well into the night and sometimes up to 3:00 in the mornings - there wasn't a struggle between alertness and sleepiness. There was even one day that I never went to bed at all. I literally worked from sun up to sun down....to sun up again. The deadine I'd been given was the following day, and I would not have met it had I taken the time to sleep. So I didn't get to bed until 7:00 the next morning. Yet, eventhough my body began to tire as the hours ticked away, there was never a time when sleepiness engulfed me.

Yet in the last two days of me returing my full attention to the I Shall Not Die project, the tug-o-war has set up shop in my body again. Even as I type out this blog posting, I'm continuously yawning and struggling to stay awake. Whenever I work toward writing anything associated with this project, lethargy becomes my greatest enemy. Lord, what is really going on? I know that somewhere along the way, He is going to answer this inquest and reveal, without question, the fullness of the meaning of this perplexing experience.

In the meantime, while I await the divine revelation, I will continue to write at the pace my body allows. I'll write awhile, and then sleep awhile....whatever it takes. But make no mistake about it, I shall not allow this project to die. It will be completed, and it will accomplish all that God has designed for it to accomplish.....

Mind, Body, Spirit...Don't Let Them Die!

On Saturday, November 7th, I had the sincere pleasure of sharing the message of the I Shall Not Die ministry with a group of simply marvelous young women. The Theta Tau Chapter of the Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Incorporated invited me to be the keynote speaker at their 2nd Annual Total Woman Tea gathering which took place inside the University Center of Valdosta State University (Valdosta, Georgia). Approximately 150 women and teen girls (who are involved in a high school mentoring program called the Delta GEMS) were there to take part in this absolutely wonderful fellowship that somewhat reminded me of my childhood days of sharing imaginary hot tea, finger sandwiches, and intense sista-girl talk with my dolls and teddy bears. Saturday's Total Woman Tea, of course, was a lot more interesting, inspirational, and interactive.
I didn't quite know what to expect of this appointment. I have served as the keynote speaker for sorority functions before, but in the past, they have all been grad chapters. Theta Tau is Valdosta State University's undergrad chapter of DST, Inc. And in the past, all of my spotlight addresses have been more so geared toward business topics such as following dreams, turning a passion into a profession, succeeding despite the odds, etc. But as I was meditating and asking God to direct me on what to speak of to the women of Theta Tau, I could not shake away the message of "I Shall Not Die" that He planted in my spirit.
This appointment had been arranged between chapter president, Mahja Zeon, and my publicist, Terrance Wooten. I'd not exchanged conversations or emails with Mahja, but upon meeting her, I found her to be as beautiful (both inside and out) as her unique name. We almost stood eye-to-eye which made me feel an instant kinship to her. You see, it's not every woman who is blessed with our tailor made statue (smile). The theme of the tea was The Total Woman: Mind, Body, & Spirit. Because of a case of innocent miscommunication between my publicist and me, Terrance had told Mahja that the subject of my keynote address would match their event theme, and at first, I wondered if it would force me to change the direction in which I'd been led to go. But as God would have it, the "I Shall Not Die" message blended perfectly with the theme that the sorority had chosen, and I was able to expound on the theme while staying true to what God had given me to share. It is awe-inspiring how God pulls things together so that His will is done and the needs of His people are met.
Being that I am not a Delta, nor am I a member of any of the "Divine Nine" sisterhoods (my Greek affiliation is on the professional level with Iota Phi Lambda) I felt particularly blessed to have been asked to come in and give the keynote address. Since I fully accepted this new motivational ministry that God had been molding me for and pushing me toward for the past fourteen years, He has been faithful to His promise to open unseen doors so that the message can be shared to the masses. It was a beautiful, empowering experience, and most of all, from the feedback that I received during the book signing that followed and through the emails and Facebook feedback that I've received in the hours since the tea ended, the women were blessed. One young lady came up to me during the book signing that followed and shared with me that her aunt had recently been faced with a experience much like mine...the one that ultimately led to the birth of the I Shall Not Die ministry. This sister seemed near tears when she thanked me for sharing, and then went on to say that because of my candidness and the message that was shared, she felt empowered and informed enough to go back and tell her aunt that she didn't have to give up, and she didn't have to let the situation kill her. "I can tell her to say, 'I shall not die,'" the young lady said. By that time, I was near tears too. In the end, that's what this ministry is all about.
I thank God for this appointment...and I look forward to the next opportunity that He presents for me to share this message of strength, faith, and hope.

This "Stone" Won't Kill The Project

Last week, I took time away from my writing of I Shall Not Die. The break was two-fold. One, I wanted to test myself to see if the fatigue that I had been suffering with while writing the book would continue if I focused on writing some other project. And two, I needed to be rejuvenated and replenished. Writing this book is indeed physically and mentally draining. It even depletes me spiritually. Not in a bad way, necessarily, but after a few days of pouring into I Shall Not Die, I'm left feeling like a car that has run out of gas. I feel as though I need a refilling of God's power so that I can have the strength to go a few miles farther.

Last week proved to me that this lethargy that I've been experiencing is definitely specific to this project. My body returned to its normal energetic self during those "off" days, and there was no bizarre fatigue. None. Nada. This short sebatical of mine gave a definitive answer to a question that had plagued me since I embarked on this nonfiction mission. Not that I really had any real doubts that my writing of the I Shall Not Die book and my physical drainage were connected. But I needed to know beyond any shadow of doubt. And now I do. I will begin writing again later this evening...and I already know what's going to happen. But I'm ready! :-)

As far as my need for a refill of spiritual gas goes, God provided that as well. Dr. Toni Alvarado (see photo below taken with me in 2008), the co-pastor and first lady of Total Grace Christian Center, poured into me and hundreds of other worship attendees during the dynamic message that she preached on yesterday (Sunday) morning. Wow! God really knows how to provide what we need when we need it. Pastor Toni took her scripture text from Joshua 4:1-9 and entitled her message, "What Do These Stones Mean To You?" which was taken from verse 6. She walked us through the scripture and expounded on how things in life get most difficult just when God is getting ready to do something great. The enemy, she explained, knows that if he can get us to give up at the threshold of our blessing, we will never receive what God has for us, and we will never know what God was going to do through us had we finished the task. It was noted in this particular scripture text that God didn't part the river of Jordan for the people until they first took the initiative to step out on faith. Not until they (Joshua and his followers)physically made steps toward the water did He (God) divide it and allow them to walk on dry ground.

Her message was just confirmation for me. I know that God is going to bless this written work called I Shall Not Die. He has promised that it will be a blessing not only to me, but even more so to those who it will ministry to, and the enemy desires for me to become fearful, doubtful, and yes, even tired and depleted. Anything that might bring on discouragement or despondence, the enemy has been trying to feed it to me. So what does this stone mean to me? I'm turning it into a stepping stone. And every time I walk past it or step over it, I'm going to see it as the obstacle that it is, and continue to praise God for giving me the victory to LIVE beyond it and finish the task that has been set before me.

What kind of obstacles are currently in your way? What does that stone mean to you?

The "I Shall Not Die" Experience

Bizarre is a good word to describe this birthing process. From the moment I began writing I Shall Not Die, I have experienced a physical fatigue unlike any other. I mentioned it in my initial blog posting...how every time I sit at my computer to embark on the mission of adding to the manuscript, I become so sleepy that I can barely keep my eyes open. It's not the kind of drowsiness that can be fought (at least not fought and won). When the feeling comes upon me, it literally overwhelms me, and I have no choice but to stop typing and climb into my bed. My plan is always to catch a short nap, and then continue, but whenever I fall asleep, I enter a stage of near-comatose. Most times I sleep for four hours or more, and when I awaken, I'm still groggy. Those hours of sound sleep seem to only provide me with enough energy to drag back to my computer to type for maybe another hour or so, but then I'll have to shut it down and go back to bed again.
What is really going on? Until now, I'd given all the credit to the enemy (aka the devil) and I've accused him of trying to prevent me from getting this project done by making me sleep away the time that I could have been spending on writing this book that God has commanded that I write. But just yesterday, a total stranger spoke into my spirit, and now I must take a step back and consider that perhaps this is not the work of the enemy after all.

Yesterday (Saturday, October 17th), I had a consultation with a client by the name of Sonya, who is a new writer and was looking for direction on everything from whether a publicist was necessary for where she wanted to take her career to how to gain exposure for her product so that it could land in the hands of those who would most benefit from the message that she is trying to share. What I thought was going to perhaps be a 2-hour session turned into a five-hour fellowship. By the time we parted ways, Sonya had thanked me several times for the wealth of information that I'd shared, but I felt as though she had imparted some wisdom to me as well. Spiritual wisdom. So much so, that I only charged her for three of the hours that we spent together.

During our meeting, which was held at the Borders Bookstore in the Mall at Stonecrest (aka Stonecrest Mall) in Lithonia, GA, she posed a question to me that sparked the discussion of I Shall Not Die. Sonya's questions was: "Have you ever run from a ministry that God was trying to give you?" What a timely question! I initially laughed when she asked and then I explained to her why I was laughing. I told her the story of God's call for me to launch the "I Shall Not Die" Motivational Ministry as well as the written project and how I'd run from it for fourteen years. In the midst of my telling her about the book that I'd begun writing, I shared this bizarre experience of becoming overcome by sleep in the middle of my writing sessions and my thoughts of how it was all a ploy of Satan to hinder the birthing of this work. In all of the books that I've written in the past, it has never happened, so what else could it be?

Sonya turned to me and asked me to consider something else. She asked that I consider the possibility that my sleepiness was due to the fact that the writing of this particular project was causing me to extract a part of myself onto the paper as I typed. Writing this book - a folio that requires that I open up myself and pour out a large portion of who I am - could actually be draining me physically. It's comparable to giving blood. When a person donates blood, it is not recommended that they get up right away once the process is complete. If they do, there is the risk of fainting because a part of them that gives life has been taken away and needs time to replenish. WOW! I'd never thought of it that way. But true enough, writing I Shall Not Die is requiring that kind of commitment from me, so it is a very real possibility that this peculiar and extraordinary lethargy is a result of the total depletion that my body is going through at each writing session.

I'm not sure what the real reason is, but all that I know for sure is that I have to press forward despite whatever is causing it. Because of it, I can only write for a limited amount of time daily, so this won't be a book that will be completed in sprint-like fashion. It's definitely going to be a journey. Therefore, I have decided to roll with it. I'm wearing my comfortable clothes and packing my favorite CDs in preparation for the roadtrip ahead. No matter how bumpy, winding, or mountainous; I plan to enjoy the ride.